Posted April 26, 2016 by in Dating

Is Your Relationship with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend a Healthy One? – Take This Quiz & Find Out!

Hey Fam! This is a quiz that I developed to give a quick assessment of the health of your boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. This quiz can be applied to engaged couples as well. The quiz is not intended for married couples…..because well, you made vows and I hope you’re in it to win it. Because this is intended to help folks who aren’t yet married identify red flags and determine if their honey is a keeper.

So, if this is you, grab some paper and a pencil. Take a moment to reflect and answer the questions honestly. Don’t overthink this. Only pick one answer and go with the first answer the comes to mind. Then tally your responses and I’ve included a brief explanation at the end. Enjoy!

1) My significant other is:

a. fun to be around

b. someone who makes me smile

c. a person of integrity

2) In reflecting on where I am in life, I have noticed __________ personal and/or spiritual growth over the past year (fill in the blank)
a. tremendous
b. little
c. moderate

3) My relationship with my honey is best characterized as:
a. on and off again

b. mutually loving and supporting

c. drama and fighting

4) The last time my mate took the time to something extremely sweet for me:

a. was a few months ago

b. was when we first got together

c. ummm……still waiting

5) If I have to go out of town alone for the weekend, I would:
a. put out an APB and ask all my friends to watch out for them in the club

b. trust my mate, but turn on the hidden webcam in the closet……(just in case).

c. completely trust my mate and expect periodic calls from them

6) My friends and family think that my mate is:
a. a pretty decent person (it works and they think it’s an ok relationship)

b. the best thing since sliced bread (a really good for me)

c. my worst nightmare (not a good match)

7) I can count on my mate:

a. to not be able to be counted on

b. to be there at times and at other times not

c. to run errands for me and help me out in my daily life

8) The emotional connection and communication in my relationship is:
a. off the charts

b. less than desirable

c. a work in progress

9) I got with my mate when I was:
a. really searching for a good relationship

b. in an emotionally stable and thriving place

c. just chilling and they came along

10) In thinking about my life, I am in a committed relationship:
a. most of the time

b. always

c. sometimes

Now Add All Your Scores:

1) a=3, b=1, c=5

2) a=5, b=1, c=3

3) a=3, b=5, c=1

4) a=5, b=3, c=1

5) a=1, b=3, c=5

6) a=3, b=5, c=1

7) a=1, b=3, c=5

8) a=5, b=1, c=3

9) a=1, b=5, c=3

10) a=3, b=1, c=5

If you scored 10-22: I am just gonna give you one piece of advice: RUN!

Generally speaking, if you are in a relationship in this category, there are lots of red flags, including a lack of trust and consideration. The main point is that the foundational elements of a healthy relationship (trust, communication, support and connectedness) are not present in your relationship. That doesn’t make the person you’re with a bad person – it just means that the relationship is likely not to grow into a fulfilling, healthy relationship where you will be growing personally and/or spiritually. My litmus test for a good relationship is this – Are you better off because of this person? Is the person adding to your life or draining life from you? Are you a better person because of this relationship? Has this person caused you to grow, pursue your dreams and thrive or are you stagnant? Are you constantly arguing and in drama? Is there peace and harmony or conflict?

If you’re in this type of relationship, you are probably cursing at me in your head right now, because you’re likely not in a place to hear & receive what I am saying or you already know what I’m saying and you’ve ignored it. I would challenge you to think seriously about where you are. Ask yourself, what’s your motivation for staying in this relationship? Are you afraid to be alone? Do you find that you are you always in relationship and if so, why? What would happen if you left? What might you gain?

I am not here to preach to you, but challenge you to get the very best that God has for you. The person you are in a relationship with can impact your life, your destiny, and your purpose – FOREVER. You could be missing God’s blessing over your life and your family’s life because you refuse to heed and leave. Just ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?”

If you scored 23-35: You Might Want to Walk Away Slowly

This category is a toss up. It’s not totally bad, but it wasn’t totally good either. Its like there are some good elements of the relationship, but then there are also some issues that could be a problem. If you’re in this category, you’ve most likely been with the person for a while and you are now comfortable and not really inclined to leave. Or you’re comfortable and don’t think that you’ll find anything better. And that’s the worst place to be actually, because you fool yourself into staying and things never really get better. Then you look back in 10 years and realize you’ve wasted your time and energy in a relationship that wasn’t totally fulfilling. And isn’t that the pits?

I was once in a relationship that wasn’t totally bad, but that wasn’t good either. He was a good guy, but I had this nagging feeling inside that just made me question if he was the one for me. It was just this feeling inside that wouldn’t let me rest. And as I think about it, most likely, that nagging feeling was always there, but I just ignored it or rationalized it or simply refused to acknowledge it. But, what I have learned during this time is that if you are outside of the will of God – there will not be peace. And this was actually a good guy…..but it just wasn’t the relationship I was supposed to be in. But, I stayed out of fear. Around that time I confided in a family member that I was thinking about leaving….and they said, “Girl, you betta stay with him! Do you know how hard it is to find a good man?” and that just invalidated all my feelings. The nagging feelings stayed, so I finally talked to a Pastor and explained that I was with a good guy, but didn’t know if he was the one for me and I was not a peace. And he gave me this scripture, “And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] (Colossians 3:15). I know that sounds super deep but it basically means this – if you don’t have peace, then one reason could be because you’re not in God’s will. After more reflection, I knew he wasn’t the person for me. And after reading, “Then you will know the truth and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32 NIV) I finally gained the courage to break it off. And its a good thing I did because I met the man who later became my husband like 2 months after that and if I had still been in that previous relationship, I would have missed out on the man that God really had for me. So, just pray and ponder about your relationship because you don’t want to miss what God has for you.

If you scored 36- 50: Stay Put, You’ve Got a Keeper

If you’re in this category, you are likely in a very healthy relationship. You believe that this person has good character and this is evidenced by their actions. You feel loved and supported in your relationship and you believe your mate is there is help you. You are a better person because of your relationship and others around you see that. There may be some areas that your relationship could grow in, but for the most part, you’re in good shape. Your relationship possesses the foundational elements of a healthy relationship (trust, communication, support and connectedness). So, you can feel confident in staying put in your relationship.

So, I hope you all have enjoyed this quiz and that its given you some things to think about as you reflect on the state of health in your relationship. Let me know what you think….what this helpful?

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