Posted January 7, 2014 by in Dating

Does Chivalry Still Exist? (Hear the Male Perspective)


Ladies and men alike, I want to engage you in a very important topic: chivalry. Does it stll exist? The word chivalry dates back to the medieval days and centers around men showing bravery, courtesy and honor toward women. I found a great video that gets the male perspective (If you can’t see the video below, here is the You Tube link: http://youtu.be/WR1L2ih8Kkw)

Expect the Best
The comments by the men in this video were so interesting. In one man’s view, he felt that a lot of women didn’t expect a lot of relationships and therefore didn’t get a lot. He said, “A lot of twentysomething girls now….I think they don’t expect chivalry because they’re not exposed to it. They don’t know it.”

This was very profound to me because it made me wonder if some women who complain about not being respected, are not being treated chivalrously because they have not communicated what they want? It seems that if it’s important to a woman to be treated with a certain amount of respect, then she needs to say that (upfront).

I remember one time when my high school boyfriend and I had went on a date. And honestly, I didn’t think a whole lot of myself back then (as evidenced by the way I allowed myself to be treated). Although I wanted more respect, I felt that if I spoke up for what I wanted in that relationship, he would accuse me of complaining. So, I just shrunk down and stop saying anything. The truth is, I did want to be treated like a young lady and have him open doors, but I was too afraid to ask for it. So, one time, we had a good date and he was dropping me off……and I get out the car, but before I could even get my fingers off the door handle, he had sped off into the night. My dad was there waiting on me (like a gentleman) and he confronted both me (and later him) in order to make one thing known: real men wait until the woman gets into the house safely before leaving. I was so embarrassed, but looking back, I am glad that my dad protected me in that way. If only I had had the guts to communicate this earlier.

Exercise Some Grace
The next thing to remember is exercising grance. So, what I am saying? Some women want chivalry, but they wouldn’t know how to receive it, even if it was offered. For example, when unpacking from vacation, don’t YOU grab the biggest, heaviest item to bring in the house because you are strong or independent and can handle it…..let him get it. Or don’t YOU rush through the door because you don’t need someone to cater to you – allow yourself to be treated with respect and take a step back. Let the gentleman get the door for you.

If you aren’t treated chivalrously, ask yourself why? Are you even giving him an opportunity to be chivalrous? When you arrive at your destination and the car stops, do you roll out before he can put the car into park? If so, perhaps you should have to wait a minute to give him time to get around to your side to open the door. It goes both ways. For example, when you two are walking hand-in-hand and approach a door entrance, you may have to make a tiny double-step to allow him time to get in front of you to open the door. In short, it means you will have to show some grace if you want him to show you some chivalry.

Don’t Drag it Out
Ok, this is an expression that my sister-in-law uses all the time when someone is being over-dramatic or really over the top. My point here: Expect chivalry but don’t go overboard with it. Chivalry is a gesture of kindness and a humble expression of servanthood that it is extended in lobr, so don’t be obnoxious with it. I remember one time several years ago, I went on a first date with this guy. And this was during the time when I had finally decided, “I-will-not-take-mess-from-a-guy-in-relationship”. So, we went to dinner and he opened the door for me. And all in all, we were having a good time. Until we decided to stop for donuts at Krispy Kreme after the date…..and that’s when it happened. We walk in, “Two glazed donuts, please”….grab our stuff and head to the table. I stand there waiting on him to pull my chair out. He just looks at me in amazement like, “Are you serious?” And I look at him with a twinkle in my eye, as if to say, “You better get up from that seat and pull my chair out.” And then it becomes a back and forth. He finally says, “Quit being ridiculous and sit down.” But I am insistent, so I stand there. With my new-found “I am not taking mess” mindset, I was trying to hold my ground. I wanted him to pull that chair out! Even if it was only at a fast food restaurant.

What is my point? Raise your expectations, but don’t take it overboard. 1 Cor 13 says, “love does not act unbecomingly.” Expect your date to be polite and a gentleman, but don’t expect them to wait on you hand and foot. Fellas, expect that women will respect you, but don’t expect that they will cater to your every need.

May I Have Your Hand In Marriage, Madame?
Now on to my final point. I thought that it was interesting when the man mentioned that he didn’t get the approval of his wife’s father before asking for her hand in marriage. For both ladies and men….make sure that you Get Your Father and Mother’s Blessing before running off in the sunset to marry someone. Your parents are put in your life to teach you, develop you, but also nurture and protect you. They are also your God-given authority, so don’t disregard their counsel.

So for the fellas – don’t just show up with Suzy, talking about this your new wife. You need to make your intentions known both to her family and your family. Your ‘rents could have some poignant advice. They may suggest that work on a few things in your character before you enter into marriage…..because after all, once you are married, you join their baggage with your baggage and if you both have enough “stuff” to fill up an airport terminal, then you might need to wait before tying the knot.

And ladies, ask your potential spouse to ask your parents for a blessing. Because of my church’s teachings on authority and lining up with the will of God, I very much desired the blessing of all four parents (mine and his) before Rasheen proposed. And I saw God work on my behalf because when I knew that it was likely that we would get engaged soon, I became concerned about a strained relationship with one of the parents. We had 3 of the 4 parents on board. Rasheen’s point was, well everyone else is on board. Why do we need a blessing from all 4? And my thing was, I don’t want to miss out on what God has by not being obedient to lining up to God’s will. So, I started praying daily that God would repair the relationship and on the day that Rasheen actually proposed, he told me that he had called and spoken with the parent. And not only was all well, but we had their blessing. Isn’t God good?

Timing is everything. The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. So, don’t exclude your parents/God-given authorities from one of the most important decisions of your life. And that goes for men and women.

Overall, chivalry is what you make of it. If its something that you desire, you need to communicate your needs to your mate. Don’t take it over-board, but raise your expectations and allow yourself to be treated.

What are your thoughts? Is chivalry dead? If you’ve enjoyed this article, please “like” our page on Facebook; follow me on Twitter @courtship101 and sign up below to receive our weekly newsletter: http://eepurl.com/Jqlbn
Photos Courtesy of: www.herinterest.com