Posted December 9, 2013 by in Dating

Dating Rules: Who Pays?

Today you’re in for a treat. You’re going to get an honest, thought-provoking post about a question that has been debated for ages: Should men pay on a date? Guest-blogger Rae Christine sheds her light on the subject, but I want you to weigh in on her story below:


I recently went to lunch with my parents who have been married for 45 years. My mom began talking about how the dating scene was when she first met my dad. “Men always paid for dates; that was a given. It wasn’t unusual for a man to send a drink to a woman and not even approach her.”

My, my, my… how things have changed.

I am a 31-year-old single woman. I work full-time, attend school part-time, and love being active in my community—among many other things. So when I do go on the occasional date, no matter the guy, regardless of his occupation, I have an expectation—he’s paying.

A little background – I have been raised around men who take care of and spoil women. I am a certified daddy’s girl. Growing up, I never asked for much, but what I wanted, I usually got, and that has spilled over into my romantic relationships. My first experience was in 8th grade when my first boyfriend had a giant teddy bear and balloons delivered to my classroom for Valentine’s Day. As I got older, and began to date seriously, the expectation never changed—I thought a man should do special things for me.

And I have never been shy about letting a guy know it.

Now before you categorize me, let me clarify something. I expect a man to court me, not support me. I have never asked a guy for money, to pay my bills or buy me gifts. I have declined some very nice offers. But I have also gone to nice places, received nice gifts, and had some wonderful experiences, and I have NEVER asked a guy to do it. On special occasions, I have treated a couple guys to dinner and bought thoughtful gifts.

I have, however, stuck to two simple rules: I don’t expect to pay for dates, and if you’re taking me on a date, the place shouldn’t have a drive thru.

Recently, women have started to challenge my thinking. One woman suggested my views are outdated and unrealistic because—as a TIME magazine article recently suggested—many single women with no children earn more than their male peers.

I have also met married women—making more than their husbands—who had no problem paying for dates during their courtship, and have no reservations about taking care of a majority of the bills in their marriage. A little surprised, I said to one woman, “Our fathers would never allow a woman to do that [take on the financial responsibility].” She responded, “We’re not dating our fathers.”

The real eye-opener was when a male challenged me on the issue. Although we discussed my expectations when we first met, as we continued to pursue a relationship he was spending a lot of money. He never said anything about it directly. In hindsight, he may have dropped a few hints here and there, but I was completely oblivious. Until one day he said, “Look, if you want to do something, you’re going to have to pay for it.” I was taken aback, but something clicked and for the first time I thought, “Am I expecting too much?”

So, I am doing something I rarely do. No, I’m not paying for dates. I am asking for someone else’s opinion.

Have I had it right all along? If a man is interested in getting to know a woman, shouldn’t he be able to figure how to date her and stay within his financial means? Or is dating a partnership and women should step up and pull their weight? Does a rule of thumb even exist anymore? Are decisions about dating made on a case-by-case basis? What works for you? Share with me what you think. I want to know.

Perhaps times are changing, and maybe I should too…

I’d love to hear from you. Fellas, are you opposed to paying for dates? Ladies, what are your expectations? If you’ve enjoyed this article, please “like” our page on Facebook; follow me on Twitter @courtship101 and sign up below to receive our weekly newsletter: http://eepurl.com/Jqlbn
Photos Courtesy of: www.thegloss.com