Posted November 20, 2013 by in Features

Love Questions Answered: Butterflies in the Stomach

Received this question about rushing into a new relationship….
Hello D.S. Coleman,
I am 25 years old and have been a follower of Christ since the age of 7.  I read your article about courting and how you met rasheen and was really inspired to continue to wait patiently for the right person.  But, I have a question about courting, how is it that you don’t get emotionally attached?? Because when I start having feelings for someone I cant help but to get emotionally attached 🙁
Anxiously awaiting your response,
Dear “Butterflies”:
Thanks so much for your message and great question…..and I know what you mean. My pattern was….I would meet a guy and boom!…..I’m head over heels! 😉 Lol!
So that was part of God’s process in growing me and teaching me. As I learned more about myself and my pattern for approaching relationships, I had to ask myself why I became so attached, so quickly. I later realized that I looked for validation in relationships and therefore I rushed into relationships (and didn’t often consult God). Understanding this helped me to learn the value of waiting on God when it came to relationships and God grew my character in the area of self control so that I wouldn’t be so attached thay I allowed my emotions to call all the shots….but rather filter my love life through God’s wisdom. That’s not to say that I turned off my emotions completely, but rather that I learned the right balance.
So, when I finally met Rasheen years later, I was more settled, less anxious and not so eager to jump in. We took things very slow and prayed alot for wisdom. And so my feelings for him grew at the right pace. And because I was praying all along, I knew that God would guide me. So while there are no certainties in relationships and you take a risk when you enter a courtship, there’s a way to engage, but also guard your heart. I hope that this answers your question. Please feel free to write back.
God bless,
XOXO DS Coleman