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Posted November 11, 2013 by in Dating
 
 

10 Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do”


Getting to know someone can be fun, but in the midst of that, it’s important to find out as much as you can about someone before they become your spouse. Once you get married, you make a lifetime commitment to dealing with any issue that arises.  But, prior to marriage, you have an option to make an educated decision about someone’s character and suitability as a mate.  So, don’t shy away from asking the hard questions.

Here are 10 Questions You Should Ask Before You Say “I Do”:

1) Are you married? Have you ever been married? It’s a basic question, but so necessary these days. You want to know if someone is currently otherwise involved and also if they have ever walked down the aisle before. This will affect how they relate to you, how they view marriage and how your marriage could shape up in the future.

2) What are your views on marriage? Do you foresee it in the near future? Is divorce an option? This is important because some people may not esteem marriage in the way that you do or place as much emphasis on staying together. You need to know this upfront. As a matter of fact, some people may not even want to get married or don’t plan on saying “I do” for another 10 years.  So, in order not to waste your time, you need to ask now.

3) What is your personal with God like? Is it personal and intimate or only on major holidays? If your spirituality is important to you, then you need someone who is walking in the same direction as you. That is not to say that they will have the same maturity level, but you need to be striving for the same things. Lots of people profess a belief in God, but the true test is whether their lifestyle matches what they believe.  Ask them questions about their faith and how they walk it out.

4) What are you views on children? Do you like them? Do you want them? Could you see yourself being a good parent? Marriages have split because of differing views on children. This could include the decision on whether or not to have children and also how to raise and discipline children. It’s important to get on the same page about this and understand how this could impact the relationship in the future.

5) What does “family” mean to you? What is your relationship like with your family? You have to understand the cloth from which an individual is cut. Are they extremely close and endearing to their family or distant and closed off? You have to weigh that against type of relationship you have with your family and what type of relationship you want to have after marriage. If someone is not forthcoming with details about their family, ask more questions!

6) What was your upbringing like? Did you come from a 2 household family, a single parent, or a house where cheating or abuse occurred? Did you parents divorce? Did you see images of successful marriages growing up? All of these things will undoubtedly affect someone relates to you and it will shape their views on marriage. It’s important to be real and discuss the hard subjects, so that you can effectively address wounds, past hurts or erroneous views on relationships.

7) Who is your role model and why? It good to understand who the person esteems and why. This will give great insight into their character and what they value.

8) What are your short and long-term goals? This is important because you need to assess whether or not their goals align with yours and if your respective purposes/destinies/life works align. This is essential because you will have to grow together for a successful marriage and you have to be on the same page about what that looks like.

9) What are your views on money? How well do you handle money? Are you a saver or spender? Do you have any bankruptcies, liens, judgments, etc.? Do you have a 401k? Are your credit cards maxed out or do you have 3 months of savings? Money is another issue that breaks up families. It’s important to discuss money before the wedding so that you can understand the other person’s viewpoint and why they feel that way. You also need to decide if you can deal with the way that they handle money and how it will ultimately impact you in the future.

10) What are your friends like? What do they value? How will friends play a role in your life once you are married? The old saying holds true: birds of a feather, flock together. So, asking about friends gives great insight to who the person is and what they value. If friends are extremely important to them now, don’t expect that to change in marriage. Likewise, if their friends are a negative influence now, it likely won’t change in the future either. You need to clear about what you can’t tolerate and what you expect about friendships in the future.

These are some baseline questions that you should consider before marriage.  I’d love to hear from you. What questions do you think are helpful to know before tying the knot? Or are there questions do you wish you had asked before you tied the knot? If you’ve enjoyed this article, please “like” my page on Facebook by clicking here; follow me on Twitter @courtship101.

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