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Posted April 19, 2013 by in Top Ten Posts
 
 

My Diary Confessions: Am I Good Enough to be Married? (A Must Read for All Singles)


Recently, I was rummaging from some old files and papers and guess what I found? My old diary….well, more like a journal, but it was from 2007!! I found an entry that blew my mind, so I just want to catch you up on the timeline sequence before I share it:

This entry in 2007 was after I’d made a personal commitment to God to honor Him through my relationships…and it was after I’d taken some time to heal from all the hurtful relationships in my past. It was after I decided to be celibate and wait on God’s mate for me, but it was BEFORE I was seriously dating anyone. In other words, it was my waiting season.

This was the place that felt like eternity. The period when I was pondering a lot about life and feeling like I’d never get married. And it’s funny, because little did I know at the time, but God had already introduced me to the man I would marry. Nevertheless, I had to go through the process of letting God set everything up and allowing God to teach me. I thought that this season of waiting was a set-back in my desire to be married, but it was really a set-up. God was using this waiting time to prune me, refine my character, test the attitude of my heart and show me the “real me”. This was all a necessary step in my journey to the altar.

If I am honest with myself, it was during this season that I was asking God, “Am I good enough to be married?” I was playing the numbers game….”God, I am XX years old (feel free to fill in the blank) and you know that the clock is ticking….when am I going to get married?” And with that attitude, thoughts of doubt, inadequacy and worry set in. Because I wondered if I had what it took to ever get married. My line of reasoning was that if I was good enough to be a wife, then I’d already be married. And since I wasn’t married, then I likely wasn’t good enough. It was a sad state.

Seeing my pity party, God corrected my faulty line of reasoning and I wrote the following entry in 2007 (un-edited, straight from the journal, totally from the pages of my heart, here’s what I said):

I am good enough. Period. I am pretty enough, smart enough, caring enough – Good Enough. I will not let the enemy bring me down. I will not be trapped by those negative thoughts. I will not be my own worst enemy. I refuse to believe the lies of the wicked one, satan, the father of lies.

I need to learn to be comfortable with myself. I think that I am carrying a lot of self-doubt. Like, its crazy because in my heart, I feel I’m a good person and that I’m pretty and that I’m special and valuable, but then there are times when I look at other people….notice their good points [or that they’re married] and then I feel….about…(this)….big.

Lord, I realize that I am constantly comparing myself – focusing on what I am not, while forgetting what I am. In this way, I have been robbed of my CONTENTMENT. To be content is to be okay with who you are, what you have (skills, talents, abilities, stuff). So Lord, give me grace to accept myself and to love myself.

And when I don’t love and accept myself – there is no way I can expect anyone else to love and accept me. And that’s why I’m so paranoid about if Rasheen really likes me.

Anybody can get married. A farmer, a prostitute, a banker, a comedian – anybody. It’s not the end all be all. I am not inadequate because I am not married. I am not better than anyone if I am married. So, why have I made it the FINAL SAY in my life?

I need to remember that even if I get married – it’s still about God’s will. It’s not like, “Yes!! I’m getting married. Thank you Lord for delivering me from my single life!!!” That’s not the attitude to have. I am not just biding my time in life until I get married. I am not just here on earth passing the time until God rescues me from this season. Wrong idea.”

“WOW!  Reading this now makes me want to stop, drop and roll because it was just powerful to see my personal growth and evolution. It was a blessing to see how God shifted my mind in that season to remind me to enjoy the single season and to remember His purposes, intentions and desires for my life.  I had placed marriage on a pedestal and I missed everything else in the process.

So, to my single friends, I want to encourage you to pray, seek God, and stay connected to Him so that He can minister to you during your single season. I am putting myself out there and sharing my “diary” in hopes that you can glean something that will bless you on your own journey.  God is still the creator of the universe, so He sees you, He knows what you’re going through and He is right there with you.

God bless!  If you’ve enjoyed this, be sure to follow me on twitter and Instagram: @courtship101. Photo courtesy of: http://www.chatelaine.com