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Posted March 30, 2013 by in Top Ten Posts
 
 

How to Break Off an Unhealthy Relationship


We’ve all had our fair share of not-so-great relationships. But, what do you do when you find yourself in the midst of an unhealthy, unproductive or just a plain ole’ bad relationship? The rationale side of you says that you should break it off, but often times, that’s easier said than done. So, I asked fellow blogger A. Muschette to share her insights on how she successfully ended a bad relationship, worked on herself and eventually met a man who respects and loves her (who is also now her husband!). Her thoughts and reflections are incorporated in the 5 steps below that will help you Break Off an Unhealthy Relationship:

1) Weigh your Pros and Cons
I am borrowing an idea from Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married?” movie where Perfect Patty asked the troubled couples to take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center. On one side, put (+) and this represents the “deposits” or the positive things that the person adds to your life. Then, honestly ask yourself, what are all the things you gain from the relationship? What does the person add to your life? How have you grown from the relationship? What are the qualities and attributes that the person possesses? On the other side of the paper, put (-) and this represents the withdrawals or the things that are a drain on you. It could be negative traits, such as the person is untrustworthy, undependable, or unfaithful. Similarly, it could be drama or fighting that comes from the relationship. It could be personal sacrifices that you’ve had to make that have been detrimental. Or it could be that your mate doesn’t respect your love, your time, your money, etc. Whatever it is, put it down and be honest.
Once you’ve written everything out, tally the responses and your (+) should far outweigh your (-). This simple exercise should help you to take inventory of your relationship.
2) Ask Yourself: “Do I Want Better for Myself”?
In my past, I have stayed in less than ideal relationships because I either didn’t think that I was worth more or I was afraid that I wouldn’t find anyone better. That’s a sad existence. So, the real questions you should ask are, “are you fulfilled in your relationship?” and “does your mate treat with you dignity and respect?” If you can’t answer yes to both of these questions, then it’s time to start packing. You have to consider your true interests in staying in an unhealthy relationship. Is it simply because you’ve been together for a while and now you’re comfortable? Or could it be that you’ll miss the companionship or a warm body at night? Reexamine your motives for staying, especially if you are being mistreated; not getting the very best; or if you typically find yourself in bad relationships. Ask yourself, “Do I want better for myself?”
Know your worth and decide that you deserve better. It may be painful, but you could become a better you and attract someone who will treat you the way you deserve. So, spend your time focusing on what you stand to gain from breaking off the relationship, instead of what you stand to lose and you will be much better off in the end.
3) Make an Exit Strategy
Once you’ve decided to get out of the relationship, you have to develop an exit strategy. This involves cutting ties and putting up space between you and your mate. It sounds mean, but it’s critical to you help you to move on. Otherwise, you will end up in a cycle of break-up to make-up. A. Muschette says that you need to sever all ties and this might include changing your phone number, putting some distance between the mutual friends that you and your mate shared. It could even mean moving into a different apartment. You have to disconnect yourself from the life that you and your mate had together so that you can move on and grow.
4) No, We Can’t Still be Friends!
Sometimes when someone has had a profound effect on your life (whether it’s a positive or negative impact), the fact is that it’s going to be hard to let go. So, don’t complicate matters by trying to “just be friends” right away. The likelihood that your former mate will go from being the love of your life to your homeboy or homegirl overnight is just not that high. The relationship took time to develop and its going to take time for you to get over that person. So, do yourself a favor and don’t try to be friends right away.
5) Let Go.
The hardest part of ending a relationship is often the part that involves letting go. There is a natural grieving process over the loss of the relationship because most likely, there were experiences shared and memories made. However, that alone does not warrant you staying in a relationship that is unproductive. Instead, embrace the fact that as you let go, you will be growing and becoming a better you. It’s almost like a purging and cleansing process, because you are getting rid of the old, to make room for the new. You are disposing of the toxins, so that you can welcome the new blessings that are coming your way.
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Photos Courtesy of: dealingwithabreakupadvice.com