Posted March 27, 2013 by in Top Ten Posts

Getting Busy and Doing the Do

Sex. Such a refreshing topic and a subject that most of us love to talk about.
So, can I share a secret?
My husband and I waited until marriage to have sex. What?!? No, it’s not a typo. Yes, we waited. Crickets? I know, it seems so impossible at this day in age. You can go ahead and say it because I already know you’re thinking “Are you kidding me?” or “Is this lady crazy?”
Well, I’m not kidding. And with the exception of married folks, I am guessing that your response would fall into one of the following categories:
• “I could never do that!” or
• “Whatever! I need to try it before I buy it” or
• “I’m sorry, but I have needs”
It’s a touchy subject, I know. But the fact of the matter is this: God’s word says, “you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor 6:20 NIV). So whether it’s casual sex or sex in a committed relationship – it’s still all sex before marriage and that isn’t God’s perfect plan. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body (NLT).” Sex has the power to tie two individuals together emotionally, physically and physiologically and this creates a lasting soul tie long after the act is over. In marriage, this type of unity is goal, but outside of that, sex leaves you tied in spirit to people you aren’t even with anymore. And this is the reason why you hear about some married men being unable to enjoy their wives because they’re fantasizing about all the other women they’ve been with. Or why you may encounter a newly married woman who finds it hard to give 110% to her new husband (sexually) because she is accustomed to the way “so and so” performed sexually. I’m telling you, I’ve heard it and it’s real.
God’s perfect plan was for a man and woman to be committed in marriage before sex. Have you ever read Sex is not the problem, Lust Is by Joshua Harris? It basically says that every time you engage in a sexual act before marriage, you are cheating your future spouse out of having all of you. Every time you give into your flesh, you are depriving your future spouse of experiencing the very best that God designed you to offer.
So, right now, if you’re seeing someone and you’re getting your groove on….it’s not the perfect plan that God desires, so let’s talk about other options. God desires that you would honor Him and wait until marriage to do the do. And speaking from my own personal experience – you CAN stop having sex (even if you were already in a sexual relationship). I’ll wait a minute for it to sink in. Let me repeat it, even if you are having sex, you CAN stop having sex. Now, I shared earlier that my husband and I waited until marriage to have sex….but when he and I met, I was not a virgin. I had previously been in an intimate long-term relationship, but it came to a point that every time my ex and I were intimate, I felt a conviction. And I just got tired of feeling guilty about the sex, so I asked God to help me honor my body by empowering me to stop having sex. It look a lot of prayer, accountability, changing my habits in relationships and being willing to take a stand. But, it happened and God allowed me to overcome my sexual past. It was a process, but He gave me the power to stop having sex and I was celibate for years. Six years to be exact. And as attractive as my husband was during our courtship, after walking in victory during those years, I wanted to make it to the altar in purity so that God could give me a wink from heaven for honoring Him. It all starts with your heart. Because even if you’ve been getting busy, you can stop. You just have to want to please God more than you want to please your body.
So, if you’re seeing someone and trying not to have sex or you want to implement a no-sex diet in your courtship, here are some tips:
• Set Boundaries –
Don’t be on the phone until 3am and expect the conversation to remain pure. When it’s late and he starts talking in his Barry White voice, things are bound to happen, so don’t even go there. Or if you know you love back massages, don’t let your mate rub on your back after your dinner date. You know and I know…it’s just going to lead to other stuff, so setting boundaries is a useful tool.
• Don’t See How Far You Can Go –
A little leaven spoils the whole bunch….which basically means – if you keep playing with fire – you WILL get burned. Decide beforehand that you won’t have sex and hopefully this is a joint decision will be empowering. However, if the person you’re with won’t respect that you don’t want to have sex, maybe its time to reevaluate the relationship? Basically, the goal is to have agreed upon accountability to help you both respect the no sex agreement.
• Don’t Spend Too Much Time Together in Private –
If you’re curled up, spooning, watching a romantic movie….it’s late and you smell the sweet aroma of his cologne or he gets a whiff of your perfume….it’s a fact that you’re gonna start feeling tingly inside and it’s just a set up. So, if you’re trying not to go there, then try to make it so that your courtship entails doing lots of things in a group or having public dates. That’s not to say you can never be alone together, but recognize the looming temptation that comes with that.
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Photos Courtesy of: sagitariusmind.com